Willie Nelson, Kid Rock, and the Mayor

A few weekends ago, The Husband and I went to an outdoor country music festival known as “Country Thunder” located in the nearby town of Florence, AZ. The headliners for the night were Willie Nelson and Kid Rock. We did the usual giant-outdoor-music-festival activities, which included:

• Browsing the sales booths with the trashy t-shirts
• Spending 20 minutes trying to guess how many food/drinks you will eat/drink so you don’t have leftover food and beverage “tickets” and yet you don’t have to stand in line again
• Spending an insane amount of money on “tickets” for food and beverages
• Playing the beanbag toss and winning a free radio station t-shirt (if you’re me)
• Playing the beanbag toss and not winning (if you’re the husband)
• Getting your picture taken by one of the program sponsors
• Stuffing your face with food and drinks so that you don’t waste any of those no-cash-value tickets
• People-watching
• Oh, yeah, and maybe also listening to some country music artists singing

At the end of the night, as we were leaving the Kid Rock concert, we left the gate behind a sweet older lady who looked like she should be baking cookies or knitting, not attending a Kid Rock concert until 11pm on a Saturday.

“Hey, look at that kick-ass grandma in front of us!” one of my friends said. “That’s so cool she went to Kid Rock. I’ve got to get my picture with her!”

“Excuse me,” we said, “would you mind taking a picture with us?”

“Oh hello,” she said, smiling, “I’m the Mayor of Florence!”

So it turns out we got our photo taken with the Mayor.

But no story is complete without some pictures. I mentioned earlier that the group of us got our photo taken by one of the program sponsors, Cricket Wireless. While I was online searching for my picture, I browsed through some of the other yahoos that had their picture taken. I’ve picked some of the winners and posted them here. Enjoy.


Um, NO. No, thanks.



Three guesses (and the first two don’t count) on which headliner this guy came to see.




Hey look! It’s Kid Rock and Pam Anderson… oh, wait, nevermind.



Excuse me, sir? I believe you may be accidentally wearing your girlfriend’s cast.



Only slightly more fantastic than if he had been wearing one of those t-shirt tuxedos.



These fine ladies are demonstrating the versitilty of the Jack Daniel’s bandana. Now they just need one more lady in need of a miniskirt, and they’d have a complete set.



Their parents don’t let them out of the house much.

So if she’s a “playboy bunny” then he’s a… what is that thing… an armadillo?

I really have no explanation for this one.

This lady’s outfit just screams “class.” Or, something like that.

In which Southwest Airlines says I have a problem

I think that Southwest Airlines has secretly “cut me off” from partaking in any alcoholic beverages on their flights. No, really, it’s a conspiracy and here’s why.

Due to my temporary commute between Phoenix and San Diego, I have been flying the friendly skies twice a week. PHX-SAN on Monday morning, SAN-PHX on Friday evening. The husband and I have become big fans of Southwest’s “Business Select.” Had you asked me what I thought of Business Select six months ago, and I would have told you it was a $15 waste of money. I mean, who needs a free drink coupon, right?

But there are several perks that make that $15 worth every penny, the first of which is: priority security lines.  As Business select, you get to run through what is essentially the first-class or employee security line, which is usually very short. The second perk I like? Priority boarding. Now, I used to be one of those people who thought, a seat is a seat, right? Especially on a short flight – I laughed at those fools who would stand in line for an hour at the gate just to have a good seat on an hour and a half flight. I mean, really.
Then something happened to change my mind.

Whenever I had a flight with an assigned seat (e.g. any airline other than Southwest), I never hurried to the gate. The bottom line was that I was sitting in the same seat no matter when I boarded the airplane, so why spend more time in a stuffy metal tube than necessary? Until one Christmas when I had a flight to my parent’s house in Michigan. I was checked in plenty early and I even had an assigned seat. In fact, the seat number was written on my boarding pass. We were shuffling up to the gate where the stewardess was taking tickets when suddenly she stopped the person in line in front of me.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but this flight is full. I can’t let you board.”

Huh?

With no warning whatsoever, they simply just stopped letting people on the plane. The flight was overweight and regardless of the fact that myself, the lady in front of me, and the ten people behind me had assigned seats, we were not getting on that flight. To make a long story short, there was no other flight out that day, or the next, or any day until after Christmas. There were no rental cars until the next morning and the airline couldn’t even secure us a bus. The whole time I was kicking myself, because had I just gotten in that line sooner and actually boarded with my boarding group, I would have been happily en route to my destination instead of stranded at the airport right before Christmas.

Needless to say, ever since then I am much more prudent about boarding the airplane. I don’t worry so much on the PHX-LAX or PHX-SAN or PHX-LAS flights, because they’re a dime a dozen and getting on another flight is usually relatively simple, but there’s another problem on those flights for which priority boarding is very useful. And that is the overhead bin space. Nobody wants to check their luggage these days, even on airlines like Southwest that don’t charge for it. So if you’re on a full flight, and you’re in the last two-thirds of the people boarding, chances are you’ll have to check your luggage and wait for it at baggage claim.

But back to what started this whole ordeal. The third perk of Business Select: drink coupons for one free alcoholic beverage (plain old sodas and water are still free). To be honest, I probably have more drink coupons than I can use. The flight is short enough that I barely have time to enjoy my beer before it’s seatback up and tray tables stowed for landing. And also, I can’t use them on those Monday flights. Work day, and all. However, ever since last Monday, Southwest has been mysteriously neglecting to give me my “free beverage” coupon.

Last Monday, I got to the airport and went to the kiosk by the gate to print my boarding pass. It printed my boarding pass (1 of 2) and then my drink coupon (2 of 2)… but my drink coupon got jammed in the machine. I looked around. I waited a few seconds. I watched the screen, and rolled my eyes in disgust when it flashed onto a plain display that read “Out of Order. Please use next kiosk.”

Great. I reach my hand into the kiosk… if I stretched, I could just grab the tip of the paper. After a lot of fumbling and almost giving up twice, I managed to grab on to the paper and pull.. riip. It tore out right at the perforation, which meant the part of the paper that actually serves as the coupon was still stuck in the machine.

Friday, I print out my boarding pass at the office. I swing by the printer and grab the papers on my way out the door. Halfway to the airport, I realize it has only printed out the boarding pass. No drink coupon. This is the second time in a row!

And then there was this morning. As I approached the kiosk, I noticed it was the same kiosk that had done me wrong the week before. I eyed it warily. It blinked back with it’s helpful “check in here” sign. I checked in, it printed my boarding pass, and it printed my drink coupon… then stopped. It was Déjà vu – my drink coupon was stuck in the kiosk in exactly the same manner as the Monday before. The screen switched over to its out-of-order “Please use next kiosk” screen.

Seriously? Am I cut off or what?

EDIT: The husband got a letter in the mail from Southwest Airlines today, ironically.  They were awarding him 4 free drink coupons as an appreciation for his many flights.  Of course, this meant he had to walk over to me and wave the envelope in my face, while saying the grownup equivalent of "Nah-nah-nah." 

Pbbft.

I'm a Space Alien and you need to let me in the cockpit

So imagine that you're flying back to California after a nice visit with your family in Helena.  You're headed back with another friend of yours, nickname "Slappy" (and for once, I did NOT make this nickname up).  The flight takes off and you close your eyes for a little nappy-nappy time.

The next thing you know, you wake up and the airplane has made an emergency landing in Idaho Falls and your friend is in handcuffs for trying to gain access to the cockpit by claiming he is a space alien.

Yes, I said space alien.

Don't believe me?  Google "Space alien aircraft" and see what pops up.

I was actually going to write this post yesterday, but it hadn't filtered into the news outlets yet.  It's much more fun when I can link to the news article and then tell you the caveat to this whole story:

I know this guy.  And his friend.  This is why I can tell you that his nickname is Slappy and he's always been a little crazy but never in a million years did we think he would try and take over an aircraft by claiming to be an alien from outer space.'

Guess it shows what we knew, huh?

...Wisconsin?

Last week my husband and I were afforded the opportunity to go see the San Diego Padres play the Milwaukee Brewers, courtesy of a client.  We got to sit in the sky box and watch the game while munching on appetizers and reclining on a leater sofa.  Although it was a work thing, so we did have to talk about work stuff now and then with the client.

All in all, it was a pretty entertaining game.  And then there was the ride home.

Because of the scarcity of parking downtown, where the stadium is, a group of us from the office carpooled to the game.  One of those people happened to be a Really Important Person who was in town from our corporate office in Kansas City.  Like, my boss's boss's boss kind of person.  You know, the president of our whole company.

It turns out, the Padres had a pretty good game and soundly trounced the Brewers.  In the car ride back, I heard the boss's boss's boss ask one of my co-workers,

"Where is Milwaukee at?"

I thought about this question for a minute.  It occured to me that there was NO WAY he was actully asking what it sounded like he was asking.  I started to open my mouth to answer - and then thought better of it.  I closed my mouth.  The question wasn't being asked of me, after all. And I do have a history of making stupid comments before I think them through.

However, he then asked the question two more times.

"Do you know where Milkaukee is at?"

I couldn't help myself.  I just couldn't.  I mean, surely my boss's boss's boss, being the Really Important Person that he was in our company, knew where Milwaukee was at.  But he had asked the question three times and the poor man did not have an answer yet!  I had to at least tell him something.  Since I wasn't quite sure it was really the answer he was looking for, it came out more like a question:

"Wisconsin?"

He looked at me for a second, then said, deadpan, "Yeah, Krista I don't get out of Missourah much."

All I have to say is that THANK GOD my boss's boss's boss has a sense of humor.  He was, obviously, not asking in which state was the city of Milwaukee.  He simply wanted to know where they ranked in the baseball standings, so he could judge the weight of the Padre's sound victory at the game.

I believe everyone in that car was laughing at me for a full 10 minutes.  At least the boss's boss's boss was laughing as well.