Is That a Rooster, or...?

September 03, 2009

Los Angeles is suffering from a crisis. No, it’s not state’s largest fire since 1897, with a smoke cloud seen all the way from Vegas to Denver (seriously). It’s not the post-Michael-Jackson music industry, the increasing prevalence of gang activity, or the dead bodies and trash floating out in to the Pacific Ocean from the Los Angeles River. Nor is it the fact that taxpayers received IOU’s, the animal shelters are overcrowded, and Renee Zellweger was in a car crash. (read: minor fender bender with no injuries. Renee spotted for the first time since accident! The headlines screamed the next day, like it was a surprise she managed to drag herself out of bed after that “harrowing” experience.)

No, no, the crisis is: Roosters. More specifically, multiple roosters.

Apparently, having more than one rooster is a threat to public safety. Not to mention all that annoying crowing at the early dawn hours!

Okay, I see two main flaws in this logic.

1) If it’s early enough, and I’m sleeping, a dozen roosters are not going to wake me up. Unless you live in a tent, or your neighbor has some sort of rooster factory, are you really going to “wake up” because of the roosters? Heck, I lived in a 38-foot trailer and our neighbors had roosters, turkeys, horses, dogs and a DONKEY and it did not wake me up in the morning.

And, 2) If the noises from two roosters are going to wake you up, then probably one rooster will do the trick as well.

Of course, as with anything in L.A. movie stars (the rooster kind) are exempt. So don't worry, everyone, there will be a Charlotte's Web: the Sequel.

The main criticism of this new law is, of course, enforcement. But apparently the empty echoing of the city’s coffers is a big incentive, and the city has been traipsing the town citing people for zoning laws that they haven’t enforced, like ever, so it’s not that much of a stretch to imagine they will fine you until the cows come home (or the roosters leave).

Here’s the take home: in L.A., you need a permit for everything. If you do not have a permit, assume you need one and, at some point some city inspector will come by and you will be fined.

(Sidebar: Per Title 10, Chapter 28, Section 60 of the City Code, you do NOT need a permit or license for having a pet Marmoset monkey. Also, Squirrels. Just FYI. You know, in case you were thinking about getting a pet monkey.)